Sunday, January 1, 2012

Day 1 of this NEW YEAR!

New Year's Eve day I spent at a funeral.... burying my cousin's husband.  Just a few years back i had an online meet & greet at my home and he showed up!  Later my cousin and him realized they lived just down the road from one another.  From that moment of meeting, they started dating and it wasn't long afterwards that they became married!  I believed you could find TRUE LOVE online!   

I had met a man as well....  he entered my life.... and several years later i had to make him exit my life!   I loved him, and deep down inside I still love him!  I just knew that it was not a healthy relationship because of the kid factor!  

I started seeing my cousins relationship falling apart...  I realized that their was so much bitterness in my cousins heart from her father dying and her mother jumping into another relationship after a lifetime with my uncle!  It made me hurt, my heart hurt, and i saw the members of their family hurting from choices beyond their control.  Yesterday at that funeral with all but the "new" Step-Father attending, I didn't see Unity .... I still saw the bitterness, I did see them come together as a family, but i didn't see the family that i once knew!  

Growing up, My uncles family was everything that i wanted for my own family!   My dad had left us, my mom was a single mom, and the old song "Time Marches On"  resembled our family!  Our Family circle had been broken, there was nothing sacred in our bond!   It has remained that way for the last 35 years and i am only 42!  Today the folks i call my family live so dysfunction-ally and life for most is miserable! 

I remember the last conversation i had with this dear guy was about attending the funeral of my ex-husband's father and how i got bit in the rear by Kharma "AKA spider" at the graveyard because my ex-husband had left the crucifix for his father's casket in my truck, he rode with me to the graveside from the church!     Anyways.... that was my conversation with him a year ago when Kharma let herself be known loud and clear in my life!!!  

6 comments:

  1. DAY 2 -- I put my beloved Gabby to sleep today.... she was my chocolate lab that has been my best friend for the past 12 years!!! it is time to turn the page and move on!!! Gone but never forgotten!

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  2. Day 3 - back to work today and feeling worn out this evening.... really didn't do much actually left after lunch to meet my boss (b-i-l) and watched my niece play basketball.... then went back to work and my head wasn't in the work game! i know the girl i work with probably thought i was way out there!! but how do you tell her that you left to go watch sports! that just aint me!

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  3. Day 4 - its time for end of year tax stuff in the office... gotta get it out so others can file as early as possible! i am kinda at a loss already ... i have so many things to say... that i want to say... that i feel i need to say.... and yet i am blank! :)

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  4. Day 5 - I had a visitor today, an old friend of my sons.... he stole my bestfriends handgun awhile back and it was just real out of sync for him to show up at my door! he wanted to know if he could have my pecans from my tree!!! i don't mind at all.... but it appeared to be more to the story!!! i hate that once a thief that follows you thru life and only good things ((KHARMA)) can change after a long period of time will change how others feel about you!!!

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  5. Day 6 - Got a call from my sons dad to tell me his father died... he asked me not to attend the funeral... i have heard that before :( my oldest sons father asked me the same thing!!! how many of you have been asked not to attend someones funeral!!!

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  6. Day 7 - I have decided that i could have gone a lifetime without knowing of his grief! If his sole intention was to make sure i didn't show up at his fathers funeral.... i really didn't need to know he died!!! 20 yrs ago the man of God walked into my home and asked me to abort the child i was carrying... he was afraid that my bastard child would tarnish his good name!!! I read the good words that folks wrote about him, and i was the one person in this world that saw a side of him that they never saw! I can understand that i wore that Scarlet Letter for him in his life!!! I lived that life of shame, i raised my son and taught him how to live!!! Seriously... did you have to call to tell me your dad died..... when my dad died.... your father told me to kill my unborn child!

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